MOSS MESSAGE
Go Hollywood!
Now it’s the Michigan Business Tax, (or NWSBT (New and Worse Single Business Tax) rocketing tax bills up as 800%. Or more. Every day I hear from businesses, from manufacturers to realtors to doctor groups, all asking the same question: "know a good realtor in North Carolina?"
No, actually the question is "what can I do about this tax?" And I have the answer! No, it’s not "get rid of the tax." Sure, that would be the BEST answer. But the Governor really wanted the tax so badly that she shut her own state government down, closing parks, risking total destruction of our state’s credit rating for the next ten years. So she’s probably not going to let us dump it. Or worse, she might make the legislature spend another month in the House Chamber, sleeping on the floor like last September, and we only now got the place properly fumigated.
Taxed to Death? Become a Filmmaker!
But I have a great idea how you can lower your tax burden. It’s really simple. See, the state has just passed a new law offering lucrative incentives to filmmakers. The tax rebates and incentives are so good that we’ve got 13 new film projects already coming! So if we can’t dump the tax, here’s the next best thing to lower your tax burden and keep your business afloat in Michigan: become a filmmaker. If you’re in the movie business, we’ll roll out the red carpet. So here’s how to become a filmmaker and qualify for those rebates and incentives.
Just Follow these Easy Steps:
1) Get rid of your shirt and tie, buy a black T-shirt and wear it with your suit. If you’ve kept your state-issued sunglasses from the Cool Cities program, wear them too. This won’t lower your taxes all by itself, but it can’t hurt.
2) Buy a video camera. They’re cheap, and you can get them anywhere.
3) Get someone to stand around and video whatever it is you do. If you sell insurance, video your insurance business. If you manufacture drive shafts, video that. A dog breeder? Photoshop the pooches. Whatever your business is doing, you’re not really doing it—you’re making a movie of doing it! That’s as 21st Century as it gets.
4) Your workplace is the "set." Your workforce is the "cast." You are the "star." If anyone asks you how you’re paying everyone, just say "options, baby."
5) Now, Lansing isn’t totally dumb. You can’t just make lots of videos. Heck, every teenager has her whole life story on Youtube. You have to be making a film. That implies a Concept. Sometimes it requires a plot, but not always. Generally it requires a script, but if the folks from Lansing ask, just say "it’s in re-write, baby."
6) It does require a title. Most titles these days have the word "blood" in them. Your movie can be "Holes of Blood" if you run a golf course. "Ticker of Blood" if you’re a cardiologist or a stockbroker. "Blood from a Stone" covers just about everyone’s tax situation. Or you can always use an anti-Iraq War title, then you’re okay when no one sees your film.
7) After a couple of fiscal years, you say your "project" is "wrapped", burn the video to a CD, slap on the title, and you’ve made a movie. That’s how Quentin Tarantino got started. Then you can start completing your trilogy. This way, you’ll keep getting the tax rebates and incentives for at least 6 years. Heck, tell Lansing you’re a permanent studio. You can be "A-One Axle Casings Productions" or ""Neighborhood Insurance Agency and Laundromat Studios." Now you can make those tax goodies permanent.
And You Might Even Win...
So that’s how to survive Lansing’s current assault on business, and do it in style. Don’t fight ‘em, give ‘em what they want! Become a filmmaker! Yeah, I know…if tax rebates are good enough for movies, why not give them to everyone? Well, then you’d have to cut government spending to balance the budget—a lot of folks in Lansing think that’s scarier than a slasher flick, so don’t hold your breath. In the meantime, you may not beat the world market, put the planet on wheels, restore Michigan’s manufacturing glory…but you won’t go bankrupt and you might just win an Oscar!
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