STICKER SHOCK

 Governor Rick Snyder’s State of the State address called for, among other things, repeal of Michigan’s Item Pricing Law. That sounds like an appropriately techwonkie thing that only inside- baseball players would note. Actually, Item Pricing mandates that almost every single item sold in a store has to have a little piece of paper stuck on it stating the current price. According to a recent Anderson Economic Group study, this costs Michigan retailers over $2.2 billion, which is money they don’t have for something else—like investing in their businesses or hiring more people.

                The reaction was swift and totally predictable. Unions, of course, were shocked  because it may cost the jobs of union members who stick all the little pieces of paper on the cans. Others who call themselves “consumer advocates” and claim to represent you and me despite never having been elected, are afraid folks either can’t read price signs on the shelves, or use the scanner apps they downloaded onto their phones for that very purpose.  The DETROIT FREE PRESS finds it troubling.

"Price Check On Aisle 93"

                There’s also concern that greedy businesspeople will use the lack of stickers on cans to cheat their customers. There’s  fear that the checkout lady will read incorrect barcode prices like now, only we won’t be able to hold up the line demanding a pricecheck, which takes 20 minutes because all the employees are busy sticking pieces of paper on cans. 

                The strongest argument against repealing Unit Pricing concerns the possible loss of jobs. When stores are no longer forced to hire people to stick stickers on cans, the can-stickers will be out of work, which explains the principled opposition of the United Brotherhood of Sticker Stickers. This will add to unemployment, which is bad. The counter argument to the sticker shock schtick is that if stores don’t have to have people sticking stickers, they can use those employees to do other stuff, like help people figure out what the prices are, and show me where they’ve hidden the cheap coffee this week.

But since we want to save jobs, even if those jobs are now obsolete, I propose a solution. Instead of mandating people stick stickers on stuff, let’s require stores maintain other technologically redundant positions. Here are some possibilities.

And Here Are the Jobs!

                HORSE HANDLER: We should require stores to have employees who stand outside to hold the reins of the saddle horses ridden up by their customers.

                SLIDE RULE POLISHER: With all those checkout clerks trying to figure out what people’s groceries cost, and figure the tax, we need to provide each one with a slide rule and assistant standing next to him, keeping that slipstick polished.

                ELEVATOR OPERATOR:  A grocery store that truly cares about its customers would have elevators manned by attendants to assist people so they won’t get confused punching the buttons. I know, almost all grocery stores are on one  floor, but that’s no excuse. We’re talking JOBS here.

                CRANK YANKER: Stores need dedicated employees to help customers turn the starter cranks on their automobiles—the ones who aren’t riding horses, (see HORSE HANDLER above.)

                ICEMAN: These are big strong guys who ride around town and deliver blocks of ice to homeowners, who then place the ice in “iceboxes,” thereby keeping things cold.

                TV ANTENNA REPAIRMEN:  A dedicated troupe of fearless souls who service TV antennas. These are large metal structures attached to rooftops, to pull in broadcast signals and relay them to in-home televisions. They usually have little motors to turn the antenna around and receive different frequencies—that way you can get good reception on all three networks and be sure not to miss the Ed Sullivan Show.

Put these Jobs to Pasture?

                Just remember:  preserving  obsolete jobs carries a heavy cost. Had Michigan been forced to preserve horse-based  employment, we wouldn’t have had flexibility, freed-up  wealth, and dynamism to make the leap to--much less lead—the transition to an auto-based world. Some may bridle at the suggestion, but face it: an economy saddled with anachronistic rules can’t harness its energy and gallop to the future. When it comes to reinventing Michigan, we can’t afford to horse around.

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