SPIN CYCLE
Long,
long
ago in a kingdom far away, lived a peasant girl named Rosebud. Although
she was very poor, she was beautiful and smart. Every day she cleaned
her little house, and dreamed of fame and fortune, along with her best
friend, a Disneyesque-looking frog named Froggy.
One day a herald came from the Royal Castle with a proclamation:
whoever could spin straw into gold would be rewarded with the hand of
the Prince in marriage. So Rosebud journeyed to the castle, accompanied
by Froggy, who rode in her pocket. She waited in line until her turn.
But after the tower door was locked, she realized that alas,
straw-to-gold was beyond her skill set.
“Woe is me!” she cried. “I would give anything to spin the gold.”
Suddenly she looked around, and there was a little gnome standing there.
“I’ll spin your straw into gold, but you have to promise me your
first born son.”
Rosebud figured she had little choice, but before she could
agree, Froggy stuck out his head and demanded an escape clause. The
gnome agreed that if Rosebud could guess his name, the payment would be
void. Everyone shook hands and presto! The gnome spun the gold and
climbed out the window. In the morning, Rosebud was hailed as the new
Royal Princess, as well as savior of the Kingdom’s fund balance.
One Year Later...
Everything went well, and a year later, the heir to the throne
was born. Soon after, Rosebud heard a cough, and standing behind her was
the gnome. “Time to pay up!” he said. “Give me the child.”
“One moment,” said Froggy. “What about the escape clause? I was
down in the tavern last night, when I saw a certain gnome charge his bar
bill. And what do you think he wrote?”
“Rumplestiltskin is the name!” cried Rosebud.
“Outrageous!”The gnome looked at Rosebud. “This isn’t fair.”
“What’s fair?” said Rosebud. “You had me over a barrel. It was an
unfair contract to begin with.”
“You expropriate my work product.” Rumplestiltskin said. “I
deserve some compensation.”
“A deal’s a deal,” said Froggy. “Besides, what would do with a
baby, anyhow?”
“Raise him until he turns 18 and kills a dragon,” shrugged
Rumplestiltskin. “Who knows?”
“That sounds chump for a whole room full of gold,” said Froggy.
“If you can spin gold, why make shady deals with peasant girls?”
“Who’s going to sell stuff to a gnome?” Rumplestiltskin growled.
“Who’ll let me adopt?”
“I see!” said Rosebud. “Your straw gold is useless without
someone to spend it. You need me to get value for your product. You’re
straw spinning depends on my value-added. ”
“Forget it, toots!” said Rumplestiltskin. “Without me, you got no
gold. So keep the kid and enjoy being Princess. What will you do when
the King runs out of gold again? You think he wed you to his son for a
one-shot cash infusion? As soon as he needs revenue, you’re back in the
tower.”
“If I give up the child, would you agree to spin straw whenever I
need it?” asked Rosebud.
“That won’t work,” groaned Froggy. “Governments are never
satisfied. You’ll be spinning night and day to cover all the new
programs. There’ll be so much gold around that the value will drop. Then
its galloping inflation, and you’ll have to spin even more to keep up!”
“You can’t spin the gold without me. I can’t market the gold
without you,” said Rumplestilskin.
Rosebud looked at Rumplestiltskin. Rumplestiltskin looked at
Rosebud. They both looked at Froggy.
“I have an idea,” he croaked.
Well, that was ten years ago. No one ever found out what happened
to the Princess and the child, who disappeared that night. But a month
later, in a kingdom even farther away, a company named R&R Inc. opened
its doors, selling woven gold baskets. These became the rage, with a
beautiful lady selling the baskets and a secret manufacturing process.
R&R eventually branched out, adding gold hats, vests, and leisure wear,
which made its 3…later 4 shareholders very wealthy.
Rosebud’s son grew up, joined the business, added a full line of
Rapunzel Hair Care Products and Cinderella Shoes. R&R diversified into
banking, with favorable capitalization and a very short loan officer as
managing partner. The new Kingdom prospered with all the economic
activity and everyone lived happily ever after, including Froggy who
became the attorney of choice, specializing in contract negotiation.
The moral of the story is: Share and Share Alike,
or There's Gnome Place Like the Free Market.
And that’s no spin.
