IN THE PIPELINE        

                  

“Let’s say you come home from work and find there has been a sewer backup in your home and you have sewage up to your ceilings. What do you think you should do……raise the ceilings, or pump out the sewage?"  From a reader, regarding the debt debate.

            So I pulled into my driveway after work, looking forward to a beer. Instead I found my house awash in sewage! There’s been some kind of backup and the slimy, smelly water was almost to my basement ceiling. I called Donkey Plumbing, who were there in twenty seconds.

            “Yep, buddy,” he said. “It sure looks like you got sewage there. My advice is let’s try and raise the ceiling before it destroys the rest of your house.”

            “Raise the ceiling?” I said.

            “Well, it’s either that or lower the floor!”

            I pulled out my phone and dialed Good Old Plumbers. They were there in twenty seconds.

            “Gotta stop adding sewage,” said GOPlumber.

            “Great,”I said. “How?”

            “Don’t put stuff in the pipe.”

            “Makes sense.” I said. The DonkeyPlumber shook his head.

            “Stuff in the pipe is needed,” he said. “Many needed and vital services put stuff in the pipe. Don’t we all agree that garbage disposals are a good thing? Only extremists would want to abolish garbage disposals! Maybe Sarah Palin throws garbage out her kitchen window where she said she could see Russia…”

            Sarah Palin didn’t say that,” I said. “Tina Fay said that, mocking Sarah Palin. If I pretend to be Barak Obama and say ‘pigs can fly’ would that mean flying pigs are part of Obamanomics?”

            “We gotta stop putting stuff in the pipe, unlike President Obama who thinks pigs can fly,” said GOPlumber.

            “Stuff in the pipe is necessary for doing the things we all do all as a people together,”said DonkeyPlumber.

            “Some things I put in the pipe all by myself."

            Suddenly the house began to bulge upward.

            “Let’s work together,” said Donkeyplumber. “Let’s agree to put less stuff in the pipe. In 2067, we can agree to phase out pipe stuff and use more green energy from CronyGreen Inc. In the meantime, let’s be reasonable and raise the ceiling and give half a billion bucks to CronyGreen.”

            “First we gotta stop putting stuff in the pipe,” said GOPlumber.

            “Let’s compromise!” said DonkeyPlumber. We’ll put more stuff in the pipe now, give CronyGreen a half a billion bucks tomorrow, and start cutting in 2067. Compromise is the key, unless you're an extremist who wants to abolish garbage disposals, like Sarah Palin.”

            The house was bulging more and more.

            “Suppose we start pumping out now, as well as not put more stuff in the pipe,” I suggested.“Then we can go fix the backup, and start putting stuff in the pipe again. That makes sense to me.”

            “You’re the Boss,” GOPlumber shrugged, and went for the pump hose.

“Hold on!” said DonkeyPlumber. “We have no consensus. And your solution violates Federal mandates. This is extremist. You have to give proper notice.” So he walked up to the door, and knocked. The door burst open and a wall of sewage poured out and washed him down the street. The house stopped bulging.

“Big fix coming up, Boss!” said GOPlumber.

“Not so fast!” I said. “You’re on probation. You’ve earned a chance, but make one mistake…”

“I hear ya, Boss,” he said. “First we pump out the stuff, then fix the backup.”

“Nope,” I said. “First we stop the backup, next we pump out the stuff. And since you won the contract…”

“I gotta go down into all that stuff!” he cringed.

“Yup,” I said. “That’s what winning is all about: you get to clean up the mess. Even when pigs fly."

 

 

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