RED AND BLUE
I needed to hire a guy, so I ended up with two candidates: Mr. Blue and Mr. Red. We sat down and they made their pitches.
“Hire me, said Mr. Blue. “I’ll give you all the things you deserve.”
“Hire me,” said Mr. Red. “I’ll make sure you don’t go broke, and can have all the things you can afford.”
“Don’t listen to him,” said Mr. Blue. “You deserve the best of everything. I’ll make sure you can have anything you want! You deserve it!”
How Will I Pay For It All?
“How will I pay for it all?” I asked Mr. Blue.
“I’ll get the money by taking it from rich guys!” he said. “What’s wrong with that? They probably got rich by stealing that money from guys like you, so it’s not really stealing; it’s justice! Returning what’s rightfully yours!”
“Not me,” said Mr. Red. “I’ll protect your stuff and not spend over the budget. If you save, in a few years you’ll be a rich guy.”
“Don’t trust him,” said Mr. Blue. “He’s a bigot. He’s secretly paid off by the rich guys. He’s stupid and evil.”
“Don’t trust him!” said Mr. Red. “The minute he needs your money, he’ll call you ‘rich’ and take whatever he gave you—and more. But if you work hard and save…”
“His buddies, the big banks will get fat while your savings go down the tube!” said Mr. Blue.
“Is this true?” I looked at Red.
Is This True?
“This is routine market fluctuation,” said Mr. Red. “But over the long run, with compounded interest, your portfolio value…”
“Doubletalk!” sneered Mr. Blue. “I’ve got free health care for you, right now! I’ll take care of your every need, while he’ll let you starve.”
“He can’t keep his promises,” said Mr. Red. “He’ll run out of other people’s money.”
“Just sign here, for all the free stuff!”
“Wait!” I held up my hand. “Show me your references.”
Mr. Red handed over letters signed by Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher.
“Don’t you have anything more recent?” I asked. He had some Governors’ letters.
References From all Over: Greece, Italy, California, Illinois...
“I’ve got references from all over!” bragged Mr. Blue. “Greece, France, New York, California, Europe, Latin America, Chicago—Illinois!”
“Those places are all bankrupt,” I said.
“Temporary difficulties only,” said Mr. Blue. “Once we get those greedy bankers, just wait.”
I turned to Mr. Red. “You seem like a sensible guy.”
“He never keeps his promises,” said Mr. Blue. “He always ends up acting like me.”
I looked at Mr. Red, who hung his head down.
“It’s true,” said Mr. Red. “I let my bosses down. I used to be hooked on bottles of Oulde Bigge Gouvernment. Just a few sips, and I walked down the path of woe and damnation. But that was before I saw the light—from the torches of the mob that threw me out. I have learned my lesson, turned over a new leaf, and sworn off the pernicious stuff. Please give me another chance.”
“My choices are between an irresponsible bum and a reformed irresponsible bum.”
I Have an Idea...
“I have an idea,” said third guy who walked up. “Hire the Red guy, but on a short term basis. Make sure he knows he’s on probation. Give him a chance, but if he gets out of line, fire him!”
“Yeah!’ said Mr. Blue.
“But don’t hire that Blue guy. Start training some new folks to do a proper job. That way, the Red guy can be replaced, and if not, you’ll have new blood to help out.”
“Why don’t I hire you instead?” I offered the third guy.
“Cause I’m not for sale,” he said.
